It's only been 2 weeks into the fall semester and I already felt like my head, if not my entire body, was going to explode.
Having issues with work, finances, and home life all within a few days didn't help either.
I barely felt like I had enough time to make a sandwich, so how was I going to feel like I had enough time to take a moment just for me? School work & running errands & picking out a new medical plan while trying to schedule counselor meetings and phone calls to schedule more phone calls & meetings all happening at once was apparently a little too much for this cowgirl newly back on the freeway of life wagon. Happy hour seemed like a nice momentary distraction in the midst of my day, until that moment dragged on for several hours...
I was the first to admit to myself even before I could hold a full coherent sentence in my head that I screwed up when the peeking of light slipped through my sleep-time blindfold piercing my brain like a rusty vice. It was hours of attempting to get water down during the short spells of being awake because if I was awake longer than 30 seconds the pain was unbearable. Never mind the fact that I couldn't stand up even at 1 or 2 in the afternoon or that I was pretty sure I wasn't going to make it to the bathroom to throw up. The pain in my body was bad enough to make anyone pray to a god whether they were religious or not. I messed up in more ways than the physical damage I brought onto myself, I ended up flaking on a very special important day for one of my best friends. To me that was worse than thinking I gave myself alcohol poisoning & probably needed to go to the hospital & felt the after effects for the next 2 days.
Admitting your mistakes is not easy, but it needs to be done. Learning from your mistakes & doing something about them is a whole different ballgame in itself. Understanding why and what to do about it, well I guess that's the third thing. I've missed out on doing some things that I was really really looking forward to (Superbowls, festivals, barbeques) because I didn't know how to balance my time and respecting the time I did have when I had it. This isn't to say that within the past couple days I've miraculously mastered that balance, but that I have identified what the issue is enough to consciously take action from it.
Allowing myself me-time isn't selfish. Me time does not consist of school work, or listening to my radio to or from work, or even writing this blog. Me time should happen at least once a week and it should be planned just as important as any other mandatory activity I do throughout the week. Being a perfectionist has its draw backs, especially when you consider the fact that perfectionists still screw up, and we mostly screw up during what we're trying to perfect because we're trying to perfect too damn hard. Me time should be healthy, and should be peaceful. One of the best ways to spend me time for me would be dancing. You time for you could be something different, like reading a great work of fiction, going swimming in a lake, ice skating, or taking a hike. It should be away from everything else that you HAVE to do in life, even if those things you have to do make you happy, like being in school or spending time with kids.
We need to plan for this time without thinking that we don't have time for it. We need to MAKE time for it. Invest time in ourselves just like we invest time to learn or invest money in the bank. If we don't take time for us, we're eventually going to wake up wishing the whole day away regretting things to ourselves and our best friends.
Let's find one hour in this next week that we're going to take time for ourselves, without having to worry about everything else that will still be there once that hour is over.
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